having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
