Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize