so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
