How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
