Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
