so explain again why im purple
no
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
