I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
