yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
