i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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