overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just blew my weed a kiss
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize