I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My Higher Power is John Stamos
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Girls should come with a carfax report
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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