we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
