My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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