dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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