someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
