I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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