well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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