whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
