sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
