i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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