Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize