Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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