The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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