that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
