I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
