I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
