I can text with my tongue
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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