I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize