I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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