Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
