Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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