I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
