Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
