so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
