I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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