All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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