i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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