I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
