If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
