He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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