I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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