You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
