just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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