lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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