i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
