I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
