Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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