Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
