Everything about him screamed your future.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Randomize
