o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
