dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
