marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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