my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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