every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
