your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
