You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
