I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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