what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
