I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
