ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
