Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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