Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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