but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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