When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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