The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
