My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize