This is not my ceiling
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
