so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
