i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
