Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
