The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize