I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
