I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
