Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
