Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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