i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize