We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
