I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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