Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
