My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
