that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
