Where is the hickey?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
