Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just high enough for therapy.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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