Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
