I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
