I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
