Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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