Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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