Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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