And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
