if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
