Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Found the puke drawer
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize