I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
