had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
