im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
