I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
