I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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