Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
