I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
