But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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