I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
