And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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