Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The struggles of a small town man whore
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
