I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize