Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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